If given a choice, would you prefer a bowl of plain porridge or peanut spring onion porridge and some deep fried strip dough for breakfast to fill your stomach? Guess most of us would prefer the latter (unless you are allergic to peanut). What would be your reasons for picking the latter? For me, I would pick the latter as peanut and spring onion add flavour to the porridge and it makes the meal more palatable and enjoyable.
Taking the bowl of piping hot plain porridge as your preferred choice, and you have a given a short duration to finish this breakfast, most likely you will not enjoy the breakfast, or even worse scalded yourself. On the other hand, if you have chosen the second set of breakfast, even though the number of items to be clear in the breakfast set is more, you properly would be able to strategically finished the set within the allocated duration.
Now what I am driving at? Is it even relevant to our topic? Let’s take the piping hot plain porridge as the issue one faced, the need to finish the bowl of porridge within the stipulated time as the urgency to resolve the issue. There is a high chance many of us would feel unsatisfied since its might not be fulfilling and probably overly focusing on solving or totally disconnect with the issue which can essentially brings effects that can impact negatively.
The second breakfast set having more items can signify external voices perhaps from your friends, parents, or even professional assistance. You probably can enjoy the deep fried strip dough (enjoying the process of some mindset shift or actions you can take after discussion with some individuals) while waiting for the peanut spring onion porridge to cool off a little before you can finish up the food.
Of course, I’m not saying you are at a wrong if you have the tendency of keeping the issue to yourself. Some of you might need time to settle into the situation, to gain awareness of your position. Others might come from the standpoint of not wanting to burden the other individual with their own issue, since we perceive it as something that is difficult to solve, if not unsolvable. Then why should we drag the other individual down into our misery?
Hold it! Before we allow this heroic intention to sway our decisions, let us ask ourselves some questions. Firstly, who are we to decide the individuals whom we are going to share the issue with have no means of resolving our issues? Even if they are not in the best position to advise, they might be the “ connectors” that bring us closer to what we need. Next, what gives us the impression that we are the only capable ones to solve our own issues?
I guess the biggest drawback of overly relying on oneself and keep all problems to oneself is you will be very struck with solely your own interpretation of everything you perceived. And you will only be able to find a way of handling the situation in your own conceptual box. This also explains why every year, many fall into depression and in worse scenarios, become suicidal.
When we open up to sharing our issues, we are giving various options of interpretation of the same situation. With the exploration of difference interpretation, we are able to feel more in charge and therefore be able to manage the issue more effectively. Sometimes, what we need is not a solution but a paradigm shift and who knows the issue might resolve on its own?